Thoughts from the Post-Scriptum

i'm not going to lie these past few weeks have been some of the most trying times in a long while. the constant second guessing, feeling stupid, inadequate, thinking that everyone around me is secretly thinking to themselves "the admissions committee must have a really sick sense of humour."

thankfully i think i'm starting to feel a little more at ease, today for the first time it felt less like i was treading water desperately trying to keep my head above and more like i was slowly starting to swim. i think it happened when i was reading an article about the development of the telegraph machine and understood the article and was able to contextualize it.

if it hadn't been for S. these past few days i'm pretty sure i would have gone completely insane.

i was chatting with lucas briefly on chat today whilst in the middle of the newest emotional breakdown and suddenly i remembered something he had posted on his blog ages ago:

bill of rights,

you have the right to ask for what you want.
you have the right to say 'no' to requests or demands you cannot meet.
you have the right to express your feelings, positive or negative.
you have the right to change your mind.
you have the right to make mistakes and not be perfect.
you have the right to determine your own priorities.
you have the right not to be reponsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
you have the right to expect honesty from others.
you have the right to be angry with someone you love.
you have the right to feel scared and say 'i'm afraid.'
you have the right not to give reasons for your behavior.
you have the right to make decisions based on your feelings.
you have the right to your own needs for personal time.
you have the right to be playful and frivilous.
you have the right to be healthier than those around you.
you have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
you have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

you do. yes, you really do.

i printed it out, it now lives on my desk.