lately i've been feeling really off my game. i sit down to write a blog entry but nothing swims to my head like it used to. i make plans then break them, i disappoint people, i forget to write things down and most importantly i don't feel particularily smart.
this may sound silly but i'm used to walking into a classroom and knowing that i was in the top 10 percent of the grade point average. it is a pretty comforting security blanket to have. it's a terrifying feeling for me to feel so average. i sit in classrooms full with the best and the brightest and i can't help but feel insignificantly small in comparison. maybe because i was so driven to get to this point i was actually pushing myself harder than i am now? i don't know.
i was talking with lucas and talked about how sometimes i wished i followed something a little more conventional rather down this foxhole of academia. while i know this isn't true sometimes i wonder if my life wouldn't be simpler if i was an accountant.