Thoughts from the Post-Scriptum

i started a 5k running clinic at the running room. i'd gone running a few times with g. and decided that it would be a fun thing to do. when i was going to the gym regularly my trainer always made me run for 30 min on the treadmill, at least this way the scenery changes a bit, not to mention that with the humidity i feel like i am running and enjoying a sauna at the same time. i just doubled my productivity.

i dunno if i like it yet... we'll see. i'm not used to people being really nice and "cheerleadery" (which everyone at the running room seems to be). i usually think that it's disingenuous and phony but i don't think that is the case this time. it's left me a little unsettled to know that i can be that pessimistic about people.

the first run was short, just 2k and it wasn't too bad except for the sharp pain in my sides and the humidity which made me sweat like a hooker in church.

i went out again today before settling down to get some work done, ran for about 25min through high park and i really enjoyed it. i'm really self-conscious about how i look when, call it "fat kid syndrome" or whatever you want i can't help but feel really disgusted with myself in exercise clothes. post-breakup marcos is feeling a touch on the chubs side and i don't like it. but then again when have i ever liked my body? right. never.

it's not all black-clouds and after-school movie specials though, these feelings are counterbalanced by the fact that i love how i feel when i run. i'm all by myself with my thoughts and it gives me time to think things over and sort things out. besides the exercise i'm getting it's also a great opportunity to get in some serious thinking time. for a short time nothing else matters it's just me and my route.

except for when i ran through the high park zoo, then it was me, the route and the smell of bison poo.

so i'm thinking about this as my next tattoo,
it's a spanish phrase (obviously) translated it means "I, the worst of all" if you're interested in hearing the story of the phrase i'd be happy to share it.

i'm soliciting the opinions of as many people as i can get, afterall, unlike babies or puppies a tattoo is not just for christmas, it's for life.

i'm thinking about asking sick kids for my hospital records/patient charts from my sojourn in the funny farm almost nine years ago.

maybe.

i'm sorry but whoever thinks that pirates would beat ninjas in a global fight to the death is clearly retarded and we can no longer be friends.

let's compare the two groups:

pirates: a bunch of middle aged drunk old men with no depth perception (eye patches) and peg-legs

ninjas: a bunch of highly trained assassins who can get in and out without ever being seen. not to mention ninja stars and that really cool outfit and smoke bombs.

sorry pirates but i am clearly on team ninja.

i have the best friends in the world.

seriously, the best.

my sitemeter is by far one of the most fascinating time-wasters ever.

i love this song, i've been listening to it for awhile...

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

~Anna Nalick

it's good to know that if the academia thing doesn't work out i'll have a fallback career as a bearforce1 dancer.

pure gold.

my shins are killing me.

but i still like it.

i was watching some old episodes of grey's anatomy the other day.

in one of them derek turns to addison and says "there is a land called passive aggressiva, and you are their queen"

i guess that makes me their king.

sigh.

But it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it's all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.

~Valerie Page

why oh why do i have to like hello kitty and chococat paraphernalia? why couldn't i like something manly? like shitty domestic beer, or cars, or scratching my balls and talking about football and nailing hoes?

seriously, sanrio products? what's wrong with me?

Odio excellentia affici melius est quam mediocritate amari - Better hated for being great than loved for being average.

It's been a really shitty two weeks, I think things are starting to look a little more shiny and good again, we'll see.

Some random cryptic updates (my nearest and dearest will know what I mean)

1. I have a new no-nonsense, tell it like it is, tough love lady in my life. It's hard hearing what she has to say sometimes but I know it'll be good in the long run.
2. He moved to Toronto, dates have been scheduled. I need to go shopping for an outfit and some serious girl-talk with close friends.
3. I have rediscovered my adolation of the gin martini with a twist. It's refreshing and tasty and helps fight off scurvy.
4. I am determined to purchase a credenza/sideboard in the next few weeks and am well aware of how gay that sounds. It will sound gayer when I mention that I am also looking for a fun decorative bowl/plate thing to put on top of it for my keys and cell. In other decorating news I am also on the lookout for a comfy reading armchair, I am trying to resist IKEA but my willpower is slowly cracking as I look at my cash flow and my desire to decorate. (I tend to nest when I feel scary and damaged, I think it's because I feel that if my home is a nice and warm place then I can't be that scary and damaged).
5. I am determined to teach myself to enjoy cooking. I still hate it.

I am actually really looking forward to getting back to classes and teaching again. I missed teaching more than I thought, it helped to provide structure in my day and gave me a routine. I am pumped for my new TA gig as it includes an office (well a desk in a shared office, but that counts right?) It'll be nice to be able to leave stuff in my office and not have to lug everything back and forth from campus like a gypsy (did I ever mention I was once cursed by a gypsy? true story). I think I'm going to try and head to campus at least three times a week, isolating myself in my apartment is making me go a little crazy.

I ripped this off of Joelle at Tenth Muse (I am so excited that she started blogging again!)

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1) Dry Cleaning Cashier (DO NOT ever get between a gay queen and his club gear m'kay?)
2) Starbucks Barista
3) Bartender/Server
4) Teaching Assistant

Movies I could watch over and over.
1) Todo Sobre Mi Madre
2) The Hours
3) Kinky Boots
4) Amelie

Four places I have lived:
1) Toronto, ON
2) Lake Louise, AB
3) Waterloo, ON
4) That's about it so far.

Four things I did this weekend:
1) Fucked up my sleeping schedule (Hence the 3am post)
2) Finished the essay
3) Went for a run
4) Bought new running shoes

No man ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
~Joan Rivers

Just remember kids, it's not nice to make fun of stupid people.

Oh wait, yes it is.