Yesterday I cried for everything I feel that I can't tell my mother: how I resent they way she handled my coming out so many years ago; the anger that resulted from it and how I've only recently come to terms it; how I feel as though despite everything I've accomplished I'll never be good enough for them because of who I am.
I cried for thinking these thoughts, I cried because despite these thoughts and despite knowing that she is going to come through this the possibility of losing her terrifies me so much that it reduces me to tears. I cried because this has made me feel so alone, I cried because despite being surrounded by people who care and have sent me loving messages and been there for me I feel isolated.
Thanks largely to Gillian for being on the other end of the phone line yesterday I've managed to calm down, but I wanted to put this "out there" in case someone else is going through this and needs to know that they aren't alone in feeling this way.